My Journey to Compassion and the Best Father’s Day Present

Last October was a tough time for my daughter.  Her mom (my ex-wife) was having health problems.  She was living with my daughter in Colorado at the time.  The doctors in Colorado were having problems diagnosing the source of her health issues.  My daughter made the decision to get her mom to Boston.  You see, my daughter suspected that her mom had some form of cancer. 

Before October and during the months of June and July, my daughter would provide me updates.  She was increasingly frustrated with the care in Colorado.  So, my daughter called several hospitals who specialize in cancer treatment and made appointments for her mom.  My daughter told me that she was flying her mom to Boston.  Well, during the flight, she was having problems breathing.  When the plane landed, an ambulance was ready at Logan airport to take her to Mass General Hospital.  She was admitted on a Friday.  My daughter called me and let me know the situation with her mom.

At this point, I was wrestling with the question—“Do I visit my ex-wife in the hospital?”  There is a sordid past as our marriage failed because of her infidelity.  We have had loud disagreements regarding child support payments among other things.  As I reflected upon the question, I decided to visit her to at least give a report for my daughter.

As I drove to the hospital (about an hour drive), I was thinking –“what do I say?”, “what will we talk about?”.  We made our way to her room.  We told the nurse who we were and who we wanted to visit.  Well, needless to say, my ex-wife was quite surprised.  In the first few moments, there was a little awkwardness.  However, it went away quickly.  She shared her story about her travels to Boston on the plane, how she was feeling and how we were the first visitors that she has had since she arrived (none of her family had visited her at this point).  It was at this point, my buddy, COMPASSION, entered our conversation.  We spoke for 45 minutes in a caring mindset.  We laughed about some of our funny times together and how we were successful in guiding our daughter to motherhood.  It was obvious that this visit impacted both of our souls.  My soul was telling her soul—“we are good.”  As out visit ended, I wanted to hug her, but she was in so much pain that I decided to touch her hand.  At that point, I knew it would be the last time that I would see her. 

My ex-wife and my daughter’s mom passed away about a week later.  At the funeral home, several of her sisters told me that my ex-wife spoke warmly about my visit.  She was very touched that I came by.  That news touched my heart knowing that she valued it so and that I made a positive impact to her final days.  The gift given by compassion.

Fast forward to this Father’s Day.  My daughter gave me a card that said “You going to see mom in the hospital and squashing everything that happened between you two was ONE of the best gifts you could have ever given me.  I now understand how much of a great man you are.” 

I want to leave you with a question.  How are you displaying your compassion?  If everyone could exercise compassion on a consistent basis, imagine the world that we could live in.  I challenge you today to bright someone’s life with a touch of compassion.  Please pass this message on.